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Crack Willow
The Materia Medica of Salix Fragilis
Differential Diagnosis - preliminary suggestions
We decided to arrange the mind symptoms of Salix fragilis in themes that reflect the method of reproduction of the tree: the branch cracks and splits off, then drifts down the stream, finally finding a home and embedding itself in the river bank further downstream and growing into another tree, which, as the branches become heavy, will be liable to crack or split in its turn.
I had the image of a dark shadowy
form on closing my eyes - it looked like a black bear. I felt sad thinking of
the bear chained - having lost its nature and power.
01P 01 XX.XX NS
Went to my Writing Group. My thoughts
on paper are very dark and bleak. I am inspired by an article about a woman
who disappeared a year ago having dropped her child off at Nursery - No one
has seen her since. Have discussion with husband about this. How can people
just disappear? He talks pragmatically about the best way of disposing of a
body so that no one could find it.
01P 15 XX.XX NS
I go to my Writing Group and read
a short piece I have written. When I have finished, everyone falls silent. I
realize the piece is very 'dark' - full of death and destruction. It seems to
be the influence of the remedy upon me; Feels like there is a shadow cast over
me.
01P 22 XX.XX NS
Feeling depressed, restricted, stuck.
Want change, focus.
02P 14 XX.XX NS
Wake feeling very sleepy and dreamy.
Hard to get out of bed. Peaceful but content. Still spaced out. Head feels very
heavy. As if separated from body. Everything is very slow. My body is slow to
move.
04P 02 08.30 NS
Thinking in clichés: Chip
on his shoulder; Put your best foot forward.
05P 01 20.30 NS
Thought to myself "what would
a patient think if he knew how awful I really feel." Then thought "it's
okay its the proving."
05P 02 13.30 NS
Have no intention of talking about
this. Have avoided speaking to supervisor. Have been careful not to answer the
phone until I know who it is. Wrote note to her saying I would be in touch when
I was ready.
05P 08 XX.XX NS
Absolutely no intention of talking
about this. Though I am much more chatty and open generally. Need to be careful
of it.
05P 09 XX.XX NS
I woke up with blocked sinuses and
headache, feeling heavy in the body and 'strung out', irritable and tired, in
mind and body. I felt like I could barely move. Warmth was making it worse.
I did not want to be bothered by anything or anybody. I felt better on my own.
06P 09 XX.XX NS
Not many patients this week but feel
snowed under by them.
07P 18 XX.XX NS
During my swim, I see a guy I know
and he comes over to the side of the pool to talk to me. He tells me he is having
psychiatric treatment for his immense outbursts of rage - and that he had sought
treatment after he had nearly killed someone. "I had his life in my hands"
he said.
01P 11 XX.XX NS
Fed up, tired. Mildly depressed -
desiring change in life.
02P 10 XX.XX NS
Short with partner. I feel misunderstood.
02P 13 XX.XX NS
Feelings of despair continued. Desperate
need to get things clarified with partner as to future plans and goals. Feeling
trapped and burdened. Partner appeared to be shutting off which made me feel
more hopeless and desperate. Continued to bring issues up instead of letting
it be after one attempt, which I would normally do. Desire to just go to bed
and forget it all.
02P 17 XX.XX NS
Friend staying. A bit irritable at
having her constantly around.
02P 24 XX.XX NS
Took my engagement ring to the jewellers
to be mended (it's had its stone missing for several years). I wanted to get
organized, make a new start.
03P 02 XX.XX NS
Discussed relationship problems with
partner in the evening - we hadn't talked about it for a few months. We didn't
exactly come to a solution but he did listen.
03P 06 XX.XX NS
An old friend from university phoned
out of the blue. We haven't been in touch for 20 years. She is now working in
Bristol and got my number from a mutual friend I wouldn't have thought she would
have kept up with.
03P 25 XX.XX NS
Restless sleep but feel good in morning.
Alert. Very excitable. Can feel adrenalin pumping.
04P 04 XX.XX NS
Talkative in office. Answer back
with sharp sarcastic comments. It is as though everybody else is being very
slow and stupid. I feel driven - I am focused and have to get on with things.
04P 04 XX.XX NS
Talkative. Excitable. Bossy. I am
sharper than usual with people.
04P 05 XX.XX NS
Irritable when others interrupt my
own space e.g. talk to me when I am concentrating on something else; interrupt
meditation by making noises. Little things irritate and annoy. I whinge and
complain to friends about it.
04P 06 XX.XX NS
Feeling uptight and stressed because
of amount of work I have got to do. I feel flooded with too much to do and I
am having difficulty coping. I am really irritated with other people and want
them to leave me alone. I feel that I have to escape and go for a run. I want
time off to go on holiday.
04P 09 XX.XX NS
Very restless and excitable. Feel
highly strung. Very up and down. One moment ecstatic the next tearful. PMS.
04P 12 XX.XX NS
Frustrated don't have enough money
each month yet working so hard. 'It's not fair!'
04P 15 XX.XX NS
Feel like shit all day. Wake up with
headache. My body feels heavy, tired and bruised all over. Anxious but don't
know why. It's a restless anxiety. Can't concentrate on studies. Read the words
but don't take anything in. Better for going for a walk.
04P 16 XX.XX NS
Depressed and tearful all day. I
have a mountain of things to do and too many things to focus on. Life is too
complicated to pull all the pieces together. I just want to escape. No enthusiasm
for anything. Don't want to go out in evening when my boyfriend comes round,
not even to cinema. Weeping but only temporarily better for it. Depression soon
returns.
04P 16 XX.XX NS
Still depressed on walk to work.
Want to escape from it all. Feel much better for talking to Mum, better for
consolation, better for female emotional support.
04P 17 XX.XX NS
Irritable and snappish in morning
better in the evening, better lying down.
04P 22 XX.XX NS
Irritated in afternoon - bank won't
lend me professional studies loan. I feel really irritated if things don't go
my way. It is as if things are conspiring against me to make my life difficult.
04P 36 XX.XX NS
Tearful and frustrated with tiredness.
Need to lie down but can't stop myself from doing things.
04P 39 16.00 NS
Feeling uptight. Too much to do.
Least thing frustrates me. Forgetful. Work myself into a 'tizz' because haven't
got ingredients for dinner. On the edge of tears. Feel dreadful. Sulk all evening.
Don't want to talk to anyone. Feel guilty for behaving unreasonably towards
my boyfriend.
04P 45 XX.XX NS
During the proving a ghost appeared
in our house. Both my wife and I independently noticed his presence though the
children did not. We have lived here for five years and not felt his presence
before. His presence receded with the passing of the proving.
05P 00 XX.XX NS
Physical feeling of anger and rage
coming up from my legs through my body. Anger is palpable and physical but not
directed at anyone.
05P 01 20.30 NS
Seething with undirected rage. Didn't
want to talk to anyone. Too angry and too tense.
05P 01 22.00 NS
There is the same sort of meaningless
tension that I am feeling physically afflicting my soul which I can feel seated
near my lungs.
05P 02 23.30 NS
Thinking about what I feel like:
Like ivy holding on tensely by my fingertips and at the same time smothering
everything.
05P 03 09.00 NS
Noticing people's noses in a way
that I never have before. Not only is it the thing that I first notice when
looking at people but almost everyone seems to have great big honkers!
05P 05 18.00 NS
People at the group said I seemed
to be different, much more open.
05P 05 XX.XX NS
Wore a suit down to school, I wanted
to dress outrageously. I was chatty and showing off all day. Talking about myself
too much and flirting. Revealing secrets about myself, showing off with a hint
of sexuality.
05P 12 XX.XX NS
I went to a classical music recital
at lunch time and got quite aggressive. I wanted to go round and punch a certain
person in the face. I could not let go of thinking about a certain situation
and getting angry and wanting to tell someone what I thought. I felt very frustrated
that I could not do that. It is not normal for me to get like that in that situation.
Going to those concerts usually puts me into a very calm meditative state.
06P 03 XX.XX NS
I felt as if I were removed from
reality. People were being aggressive to me. I felt as if people were picking
on me unfairly and being aggressive towards me. I was in the supermarket and
I was waiting for a woman in front of me to move along. Whilst I was waiting
I was not really concentrating and my trolley slightly bumped her. She stalked
off telling her friend that people had no manners today and that an 'excuse
me' wouldn't hurt, etc. I just couldn't deal with it. I couldn't respond. I
felt removed from the situation like I did not have any real control over what
happened. It made me go home and cry. I then went out and the car incident happened
and the other man was shouting at me calling me names and I just drove off crying.
I felt very depressed. I also felt as if I had no energy at all.
06P 05 XX.XX NS
It was my first day of working in
a clinic. I was very apprehensive and quite nervous. I had a feeling like I
was afraid that I was going to be 'found out'. I felt inadequate. I was tired
before, but was quite energized by the consultations. I was surprised by how
nervous I was.
06P 11 XX.XX NS
I got very tired and fed up in the
evening and got very cross driving home from my boyfriend's. The bright lights
were hurting my head. People were driving madly.
06P 16 XX.XX NS
I got cross at work because I was
being overloaded with work. The sinus headache came back. I went out on a work
social evening and I was coping OK, but I got home to my period starting and
a completely blocked toilet. The period did not hurt as much as normal.
06P 17 XX.XX NS
Noticed I felt intense sympathy for
a patient when working on his case. He was beaten regularly as a child.
07P 02 XX.XX NS
Played squash really well today and
noticed how much better I feel when I do something well. I go up and down very
easily.
07P 03 XX.XX NS
Felt bored and restless tonight.
I want things to change. I feel a need for excitement for being with people,
I am irritable and angry with myself for not knowing what I want.
07P 08 XX.XX NS
I am putting boyfriend on hold, I
can' t fight trying to make things happen. I feel unsafe, on the edge.
07P 19 XX.XX NS
I am generally irritable and want
to be free of this remedy!
01P 17 XX.XX NS
Feeling irritable felt "don't
push me, leave me be".
02P 02 XX.XX NS
Things coming to a head. Feeling
teary, depressed, angry. Talked to partner twice, 9 a.m. and 7 p.m. Told him
I couldn't continue and needed some focus and planning in our life. Got emotional
and teary when talking - lump in throat. Feeling of futility, because of not
much response from partner. Very teary, start sobbing on a look. Feel a bit
hopeless.
02P 15 XX.XX NS
Reached the point where I wanted
resolution. Felt teary, desperate, angry, upset. Threatened to go to a B&B
for the night as I couldn't bear the thought of sleeping next to partner feeling
so frustrated. This provoked some response from partner and some resolution
was reached. Felt incredibly emotional and teary, but not upset.
02P 17 XX.XX NS
Couldn't sing soprano at church (it
is very tiring as I'm not a soprano). I was brooding about not being listened
to. I began to feel tearful and my throat hurt so I couldn't sing any more.
I told the choirmaster I didn't want to sing soprano any more and he said that
was fine, no need to.
03P 06 XX.XX NS
Maybe I want people to do things
for me instead of me doing the organizing. I've been more assertive, saying
I'm not going to do that any more. I've had the attitude that I don't care if
it gets done or not, and I've been letting people know that.
03P 09 XX.XX NS
Felt outraged at my partner for complaining
I was on the phone too long - normally I'd have seen his point of view.
03P 13 XX.XX NS
Had an enormous fight with wife.
She is using the proving as a good excuse to have a go at me. She took extreme
offense at a pretty innocent remark. I went off and will have nothing to do
with it. I was much clearer than usual that I haven't done anything wrong. She
punched me hard in the middle of the back. Winded me and I have been unable
to breathe properly ever since.
05P 06 XX.XX NS
I am pissed off and ready to strike
back. I don't see why I should just take it.
05P 07 XX.XX NS
No feeling or intention of having
anything to do with partner. Her action was beyond the pale and I don't see
why I should take it any more.
05P 09 XX.XX NS
The proving seemed to make my reaction
much more hard line. He said that he felt as if I would easily leave him and
that I would not care. I have at times felt like he was bullying me for sex
and again I have not been prepared to take that.
06P 00 XX.XX NS
I felt pushed to the edge by my boyfriend
and completely lost my temper by 12. At the end of the day I felt tired and
like I was being pushed and pushed by him - which I was. I sat in my car and
just shouted and shouted at my boyfriend. I was so fed up. I was crying. I drove
home very depressed. I do lose my temper but I do not usually rant and rave
like that. I felt that there was a definite line and that he had crossed it.
I felt that if someone crossed that line they could just go away. There is a
real feeling of not caring if they go or not. I felt with my boyfriend that
he could not push me further than a certain place. I threw him out of the car,
and speeded off, but I had to go back because he had picked up my door keys
by mistake. Usually that would have made me laugh but this time I just was not
in the mood for that.
06P 04 XX.XX NS
I must make a decision or fate will
make a decision for me.
07P 16 XX.XX NS
Feeling positive and determined.
It will sort itself out. I understand it's in a mess. I made the decision to
go on holiday.
07P 20 XX.XX NS
I do not need the relationship anymore,
he can please himself.
07P 20 XX.XX NS
Feel finally free of this remedy
- like it does not have a grip on me now - I have shaken free of it.
01P 16 XX.XX NS
I go for a long run and it feels
like I am trying to rid myself of whatever has a hold on me!
01P 19 XX.XX NS
Feel like there are two people in
me, one living the life that is seen and one living a secret life which is not
compatible with the other. I want both.
03P 06 XX.XX NS
Our friend's partner phoned at 8.30
and I didn't wake him up, one of his problems was he was very short of sleep.
Felt motherly. The partner phoned again at midday, our friend arranged to meet
him to talk things over and didn't come back. I'm thinking, there's no future
to this relationship now, why does he put himself through all this?
03P 26 XX.XX NS
Partner came in after church in a
foul mood because he didn't think he had time to do everything we had planned
to do. Treated us all as naughty children. I tried keeping my head down to avoid
head-on confrontation. It was absurd. I became quite overwrought. Then he complained
of stomach ache and the change of register from treating me as a child to treating
me as mummy made me cry. I couldn't cope with two different sorts of unreasonable
behaviour.
03P 27 XX.XX NS
Wanting to laugh for no reason.
04P 01 21.30 NS
Feel there is something nasty in
the remedy. I don't want to have it in the same house as me and hide the jar
in the furthest corner of the room. I have the feeling that something had possession
of me.
04P 02 09.30 NS
Feel fed up with proving. Don't want
to keep diary anymore. Don't know whether I am feeling like this because of
the proving or not. It's not like me. I want to go back to the real me. It feels
as though something is at work inside me that isn't me.
04P 16 XX.XX NS
Visions of mushroom clouds and nuclear
explosions.
05P 01 20.30 NS
Feel that I want to get away from
all this clutter and mess. May have to go off somewhere. Can't face the prospect
of Christmas, really want to get away and be on my own.
05P 08 XX.XX NS
I feel that I am much more chatty
with people. Today and yesterday at work striking up easy conversations with
people. Makes me feel vulnerable about being all the things that I don't want
to be.
05P 10 XX.XX NS
Very unhappy about the state I am
in feel out of control, don't know if I will be able to show my face at school
again. Hadn't really done anything silly, just been a bit more extrovert. That
would be fine if I didn't mind but I still mind just as much. Decided to take
some Arsenicum 1M to try and regain some control of myself. It felt as if there
were two states of me, one that didn't care and one that did. It felt that the
me that didn't care was the remedy and the state that did care was me. The state
that I felt I had to deal with was me not the remedy. (It made sense at the
time.)
05P 13 XX.XX NS
I was told unexpectedly by my landlords
that I would have to leave my flat.
06P 00 XX.XX NS
I kept dropping things, like part
of the dinner I had just cooked. I felt tired and stressed.
06P 14 XX.XX OS
Woke up feeling a lot better today.
I realized how much I try and control things and really want to let go. It feels
better.
07P 03 XX.XX NS
I do have a strange feeling of being
very aware of my own delusion - that there is something wrong with me and I
am not good enough - I actually feel very aware of myself and my power and potential.
Also how selfish I have been always focusing on myself and my emotions.
07P 04 XX.XX NS
Aware of being in the delusion of
the proving, but able to step outside of it for odd moments.
07P 04 XX.XX NS
Why should I be with someone who
doesn't want the things that are most precious to me? Feeling of being split
in two, it's much worse than in the past. I don't believe relationships should
be like that i.e. split between partner and children.
07P 16 XX.XX IOS
I have planned to go on holiday with
boyfriend & I have patients booked in the same week, that is how split I
am- I will let go a couple of days and see what happens.
07P 16 XX.XX NS
Now I am not an observer, I am right
in it. I stopped writing things down because I stopped being an observer.
07P 16 XX.XX NS
I feel clear about my life. Building
a base for myself and getting my life together. The relationship is stopping
me from doing that. I feel he is controlling me, he has some kind of hold over
me. We are not going in the same direction.
07P 16 XX.XX NS
Had a talk with my mother who was
quite stern and said I must leave boyfriend. Have analysed it down to fear of
breaking away from someone and being on your own.
07P 18 XX.XX NS
Woke feeling reflective. Thinking
about the sea - desire to go to the sea.
01P 16 XX.XX NS
Feel indecisive - not as spontaneous
as I usually am.
01P 18 XX.XX NS
Immediately after taking remedy felt
'spacey'. Felt mildly disconnected from the scene. Was in a dream/daze, turned
left instead of right, and walked 200m before realized it was wrong direction.
02P 01 20.40 NS
Driving to work. Aware that motorway
exit is approaching, but just drive right past it - not with it at all. Mild
sense of unreality all through the shift. Sense of disconnection.
02P 01 21.30 NS
Went to relaxation centre, relaxed
and at peace with the world.
02P 04 XX.XX NS
Forgot to make a phone-call that
I always make. Forgetful, forgot where I put my keys, my glasses.
02P 04 XX.XX NS
Unfocused - hard to concentrate on
anything.
02P 07 XX.XX NS
Generally irritable and fed up. Annoyed
over little things, feeling couldn't be bothered to make an effort to do anything.
02P 07 XX.XX NS
Woke up disoriented. Mad panic about
time thought I was late for work.
02P 08 XX.XX NS
Lost two important pieces of paper.
No idea where I put them.
02P 11 XX.XX NS
Driving home from a night shift had
to go round a roundabout twice having missed an obvious turnoff.
02P 21 XX.XX NS
Drove to work in the evening, missed
very obvious turnoff that I know well and ended up miles out of my way.
02P 34 XX.XX NS
At night I saw images of swirls like
the caramel advert.
03P 01 XX.XX NS
Drove a bit carelessly to the proving
and very carefully and properly home again.
03P 01 XX.XX NS
Got into painting detailed models
for my son's wargame. I usually don't think I have time to do this and enjoyed
it lots.
03P 04 XX.XX NS
Forgot about the proving today. Had
a dream, forgot to write it down and forgot it. Didn't get round to contacting
my supervisor.
03P 04 XX.XX NS
Forgot about the proving and had
a cup of coffee. Felt a bit high.
03P 05 XX.XX NS
Painting the ceiling in the attic,
came downstairs to get something and forgot to go back to the painting.
03P 05 XX.XX NS
Realized my sexual fantasies had
changed character over the past week from me taking the active role to me being
passive and being gently but definitely seduced.
03P 09 XX.XX AS
Realized I'd left a bag of shopping
behind at the checkout yesterday. I've done this before, but this was the first
time no-one called me back or at least handed it in.
03P 09 XX.XX NS
Shopping, then a decadent day playing
a computer game. I've always wanted to but never thought I had the time.
03P 22 XX.XX NS
It's the firm's Christmas do in the
evening. Got rather merry and bummed a cigarette. Looked in the mirror in the
Ladies and thought I looked awful - really old, bags under my eyes that aren't
usually there - are they? Right eye dull.
03P 31 XX.XX NS
Feel calm and peaceful. Able to study.
Head is fine if focused on one thing. Worse for moving around.
04P 02 12.30 NS
Tearful, better for weeping in the
evening, better for company and consolation
. 04P 09 XX.XX NS
Feel tired in the afternoon. Congested
head. Can't think clearly, better when I lie down for 2 hours .
04P 38 XX.XX NS
Should have gone to work today but
thought it was tomorrow. Didn't care much.
05P 08 XX.XX NS
A bit unwilling to get down to anything
to day. Fuffled about not doing what I ought to be.
05P 08 XX.XX NS
Meditation when taking remedy: I
had a strong feeling that I was surrounded by green, like green glass, green
sea, I saw a green glass bead curtain in front of me. I felt like I was in the
prow of a boat going forward through the water.
06P 01 20.40 NS
Tired, but quite 'up' in spirits
and felt 'dancey'. I was dancing a bit
round my flat on my own. 06P 02 18.30 NS
I nearly killed us twice driving
which is not really like me. I can be a bit day dreamy and vague but I am not
normally that stupid whilst driving. I was misjudging distance and speed. Generally
I felt like I use to when I had migraine, but without the pain. I felt removed
and distant from things, 'heady', I felt that things were not quite where they
should have been when I looked at them. Walking around I could not judge distances.
The floor seemed too far away. I felt like I would not have been able to walk
successfully through a shop full of china and glass without knocking them over.
06P 04 XX.XX NS
My concentration on my work was not
very good. My mind was all over the place. I was reading paragraphs and not
remembering what I had read.
06P 14 XX.XX NS
It was very difficult to concentrate
all day. I could not absorb words on the page and could not work out what they
meant after I had read them unless I made a big effort to concentrate on them.
06P 15 XX.XX IOS
Feel low cold and tired. Just want
to sit and stare, feel very sorry for myself.
07P 02 18.00 NS
Felt really good today, felt I was
flying and there were no obstacles.
07P 05 XX.XX NS
Drove to Cambridge to stay with a
friend. Got diverted miles around Oxford - lost my sense of direction and my
planned route. Felt quite panicky and alone and how would I ever get there.
I had not done this drive before. I had all the places written down and suddenly
it was no good.
07P 11 XX.XX NS
During afternoon felt more peaceful
and felt I just wanted to give up the struggle.
07P 15 XX.XX NS
Absent minded, I forgot I had arranged
for a patient to call at 10 a.m. & I nearly missed her. Feel incompetent.
07P 16 XX.XX NS
Anger & irritability, why isn't
life going the way I want it. Helplessness and out of control.
07P 16 XX.XX NS
I am not achieving much. I feel I'm
not getting on with things, not progressing, not getting anywhere and quite
vague about it all.
07P 18 XX.XX NS
I am trying not to change things
and it is better to just let things happen.
07P 20 XX.XX NS
I am not going to close down on it,
I am going with the flow.
07P 20 XX.XX NS
Feel a bit spacey by the end of the
day. Husband wanted to talk over dinner about his difficult relationship with
his parents. He gets very emotional (angry and tearful). I am wondering if he
will ever resolve these feelings and feel despair at the thought that, he may
never move on.
01P 10 XX.XX NS
Go for a swim and see two women friends
with their young children. I think their life seems so simple within the clearly
defined roles they have chosen. I feel separate; different and a little angry.
As I swim I feel spaced out and think this must be because I am still weak from
my sickness. The spacey feeling is quite pleasant and dreamy.
01P 11 XX.XX NS
Do not feel integrated into myself
- as if I am a blurred image of myself.
01P 17 XX.XX NS
Feel criticized by a mother who is
anxious that her child's eczema is not getting better.
01P 18 XX.XX NS
Driving to work 9.30 p.m. Strange
sense of timelessness and unreality. I knew the road and yet it all looked foreign.
Felt detached.
02P 03 XX.XX NS
Feeling closed and introverted in
the morning. Was going to ring mother and sister but couldn't be bothered, didn't
feel like it.
02P 06 XX.XX NS
Unenthused having to write diary
- making spelling mistakes that wouldn't normally make.
02P 07 XX.XX NS
Partner late home. Felt worried that
he had had an accident or thought he might be with another woman, felt quite
detached about it.
02P 12 XX.XX NS
Feeling shell-shocked. As though
the volume has been turned down on all my thoughts and emotions. Feel calm and
introspective, but content. Relieved that some things have been resolved.
02P 21 XX.XX NS
Went to London. Felt out of it. Flustered
by and impatient with the crowds.
02P 34 XX.XX NS
Had to look twice to see if a man's
legs in the bus queue were a guitar (I thought he had a guitar at first glance).
03P 02 XX.XX NS
Thinking about priorities in my life,
about what's really important and what's not so important. It doesn't all fit
together neatly.
03P 03 XX.XX NS
Went to church. Felt out of it. Uninvolved.
Alien. This wasn't upsetting. I felt I don't really need this, I might just
as well be doing something else.
03P 04 XX.XX NS
Thinking about how my life is organized,
and it doesn't make sense.
03P 05 XX.XX NS
Drove to college with fellow-prover.
Didn't speak to each other at all. Couldn't think of anything important enough
to break the silence.
03P 11 XX.XX NS
My partner is still sore as well
- obviously we share this problem. We discuss it. He thinks it's my problem
as he only gets it after sex. It emerges he's often sore after intercourse.
I think he should sort it out as I don't usually get the symptoms. So nothing
gets done. I feel angry but helpless - I don't know what to do about it.
03P 17 XX.XX NS
I want affection but I don't want
to be touched anywhere very erogenous (still sore).
03P 19 XX.XX NS
Another friend phoned at the end
of his tether, wanted rescuing at least for a break from his abusive relationship.
I eventually realized I'd have to get into rescuer mode for real and arranged
to collect him tonight so he can stay the weekend. It took me a long time to
empathize with him, I just wasn't with it.
03P 25 XX.XX NS
Supervisor phoned - I haven't been
keeping in touch.
03P 28 XX.XX NS
Money is a big issue. My boyfriend
has lots but I'm too proud to accept it.
04P 00 XX.XX NS
Feel as though would do something
mad; that everyone will think I am crazy.
04P 01 20.30 NS
I feel out of control of my mind
and body. Scared. As if something out to get me. Paranoia. Out of touch with
myself. As if someone looking over my left shoulder. Put safety chain on door
when enter house. I'm panicky and afraid that someone will break in. I don't
want to be on my own and I feel much better for seeing my boyfriend and talking
about how I feel.
04P 01 21.30 NS
Feel content but 'out of it'. Unable
to connect or think logically. Worried about speaking to friends on phone in
case they thought I sounded stupid. I have the feeling that something has taken
possession of me and gone right through me like a drug. I do not feel in control.
04P 02 XX.XX NS
Worse for wine. This results in confusion
and a drugged feeling.
04P 02 XX.XX NS
A friend told me that he had been
doing some teaching work and I was really jealous.
05P 10 XX.XX NS
Drove 60 miles with another student
and we didn't say a word to each other all the way. Felt no obligation to make
small talk out of politeness, but also afraid that I might become too talkative.
05P 11 11.00 NS
I had stopped going to my Buddhist
group when we first took the remedy (with which I have been involved for some
years) because when I last went after taking the remedy I felt alienated, as
if I did not belong. I also felt like that when I went to a Graduation Ceremony.
I just could not cope with not knowing very many people and felt very alone,
isolated and not part of the group. I slunk off and cried all the way home because
I felt so lonely. I could not cope with talking to people I did not know.
06P 00 XX.XX NS
Generally I don't feel as sociable
as I normally do. I feel like hiding away. I have not felt like contacting people,
including patients.
06P 00 XX.XX NS
I felt bored with the proving and
guilty because I did not want to write things down anymore.
06P 17 XX.XX NS
I felt tired and dissociated again.
When I went out shopping I was just getting irritable. When I tried to do some
work I had problems concentrating. I did not want to phone my patients or even
to phone them back.
06P 19 XX.XX NS
I did not want to phone my supervisor
to report in on my proving. I just felt like sitting on the sofa and reading
and being left alone. I felt that I did not want to be bothered with anybody
else's problems. Even when my brother phoned for help I did not feel that I
had the energy to help.
06P 19 XX.XX NS
Felt completely bleak. Feelings of
being hopeless at everything and useless. Despair of things ever being any different.
Tears are flowing easily.
07P 02 11.00 NS
Boyfriend phoned last night, made
me feel terrible guilt at the thought of ending the relationship. Is there any
way it could work? Started to cry with loneliness this morning, while writing
this.
07P 02 XX.XX NS
Played tennis tonight and felt why
do I feel on the outside I don't belong anywhere These people are not friendly
to me.
07P 02 XX.XX NS
No desire to get up and get going,
feel very shaky inside.
07P 02 XX.XX NS
Feel a definite tension in the air
between boyfriend and 1. Makes me feel uncomfortable and uneasy.
07P 03 XX.XX NS
I bet everyone else is having really
good symptoms. I haven't done it properly.
07P 04 XX.XX NS
It's my birthday, I feel tearful
and alone. I feel my whole life is hopeless and that I am uncreative and useless.
Spells of sobbing uncontrollably. I have tried so hard to make my life work
and I feel like this. What do I have to do.
07P 09 XX.XX NS
I feel awful, depressed, lonely,
tearful. Woke in the night with a strange feeling. I'm not sure if it was in
my body or my mind but it was a sensation of things not being right within me.
07P 14 XX.XX NS
I have not been able to write anything
down for the last few days, it's all so dramatic.
07P 19 XX.XX NS
I feel I have been a failure in the
proving too. I was the wrong person.
07P 19 XX.XX NS
After a year of thinking about it,
I have signed up to do a creative writing course. Feel nervous about it.
01P 08 XX.XX NS
Generally, feel very close to my
partner over these last two weeks. He is calmer and I feel very loving towards
him.
01P 16 XX.XX NS
Friend gone. Relief at having solitude
and peace.
02P 29 XX.XX NS
Bought Christmas cards (usually put
this off till the last minute).
03P 03 XX.XX NS
Thinking how cross I was with myself,
now the lodger from hell has finally left, (he did a runner last weekend) not
to have thrown him out months ago. I want to get settled, make a new start,
redecorate the room.
03P 04 XX.XX NS
Arrived home 10.30 p.m. and mended
my daughter's soft toy that has been waiting for new eyes for two years.
03P 11 XX.XX NS
Felt at ease, spoke more in class
than I normally would have. I wasn't worried about getting it wrong.
03P 12 XX.XX NS
Decided not to buy Cosmopolitan magazine
this month, it was offering yet more guaranteed orgasms (you can read too much
about a good thing) - bought a magazine with an article on why intimacy is more
important than sex.
03P 14 XX.XX NS
Warmth and peace with others in group.
04P 01 20.30 NS
Concerned that have had no bleeding
since Sunday although period due. This is strange - what is happening to me?
I am convinced that I am pregnant but don't want to admit it to anyone. This
last week I have been feeling really broody. I feel pregnant - it is really
weird. I want to be but am also terrified of being pregnant. I feel my body
really wants to be pregnant and whatever precautions I take won't work. I am
not normally a baby person.
04P 17 XX.XX NS
Feel secure and content in my relationship
- very happy.
04P 20 XX.XX NS
My boyfriend and I discuss living
together in the evening. (I do subsequently move in with him).
04P 46 XX.XX NS
I have been waiting to be able to
go part time to also work as a homeopath for years and it has finally happened
this week. This makes me feel cheerful. Irritating things happened today and
I was not irritated by them.
06P 02 XX.XX NS
Have a feeling of peacefulness, my
emotions feel calmer than they have done in previous months.
07P 07 XX.XX NS
I am travelling on a train with a
male stranger. I know he is a spy and that he is in danger. He disappears off
the train and no one else notices. I am very worried about his welfare and feel
frustrated that no one understands or is willing to listen to me.
01P 02
My husband and I adopt a little black
boy - in the dream, I am playing happily with the child and my husband is uninvolved.
01P 02
A murderer (a serial murderer of
women) had written a book about how he had committed the murders. He had become
a celebrity and began running workshops! My feeling was one of fear and horror
that murder has become acceptable and even marketable. I awoke feeling anxious.
01P 02
I am picking samphire in a kind of
boggy meadow. I am going to take the plant medicinally.
01P 08
Playing football on the cricket pitch
outside the house where I was born. With my husband and my basset hound. Very
carefree feeling.
01P 08
I am travelling downstream in a boat
with some women friends. We are meeting some land transport. I look around at
my luggage all around my feet. I have suitcases and many bags and bin liners
stuffed with things. I have even brought my Tagline cooking pot! I look around
at the other women, who just have one suitcase each. I feel different to the
others, and then I worry how I am going to carry all my stuff on the next part
of the journey.
01P 10
Some of my female friends are playing
in women's band. We are having fun and after the gig we go back to someone's
place and sit in a room where all the soft furnishings are covered in purple
fake fur.
01P 12
Woke from a dream. Weird dream -
I am making love to my father whilst my mother is busy with housework in the
same room, (very Freudian). It feels very mundane and normal - everyone does
it!
01P 17
Have exhibited many of my paintings
in a kind of café in Barcelona. The building is wedge shaped and open
at the front, so that anyone can come in off the street - night and day. I feel
pleased about this open access but then someone tells me that people are stealing
from such open places and urges me to go and get my paintings before they get
stolen - which I do.
01P 18
I am with a group of homoeopaths
and they tell me about a great cream for eczema - it is called TV4 corsican
cream. They have all had great results with this cream. I wonder why I do not
know about this cream.
01P 19
My hair is falling out - mainly on
the left side.
01P 20
I am inundated with new children/patients
who have weird M.E. type symptoms - I wonder why these children are so deeply
sick.
01P 20
A group of us in an old Hillman Imp
- the car has no back to it - it is open at the back and I am holding onto the
ones in the front to stop me falling out.
01P 29
Dreamed a dying man was suckling
my breast and I was sexually excited by that.
02P 04
Dream: There was a court case being
brought against the parish on account of a priest who had once served them having/causing
a road traffic accident. I was in a big meeting about it. The meeting was in
a library. People were talking, missing the point. I knew that the parish wasn't
really liable and the claim should be directed against the diocese. The Chairman
came over to me and I told him all this but he'd come over to tell me I shouldn't
be smoking and he didn't take the point. I was smoking a cigarette right down
to the dogend, I could taste the smoke strongly. I thought, "Sod you, if
you don't want to listen. I know I'm right, and if you won't listen I don't
want any more to do with you." Later on I was at home with a collection
of books I'd taken from the library, maybe Dickens.
03P 02
Dreamt I remembered yesterday's dream
but dreamt forgot it again.
03P 05
Dream: That I was being taken to
Australia for a holiday by my husband and children. We got there and found we
had nowhere to stay, no money, no tents, no sleeping bags etc. It is summer.
The children's mother was at home in England (!?) and the trip was organized
by their father on an impulse. I thought: "Typical. Oh well, let's see
what can be done." I felt quite confident that it'd be OK. I talked to
some people and someone said, "You could stay with Clement Freud."
We went through a neat suburban garden to a bungalow, saw Clement Freud through
the kitchen window preparing supper unaware he was about to be descended upon.
The youngest child was skipping up the path to greet Clement Freud as a long-lost
friend.
03P 07
Dream: I was kissing a gentle man
in secret (he was the father of my son's friend). I noticed how small his nose
was. He gave me a greenhouse for my birthday. It had blue and gold roses growing
in it. It was a lovely surprise.
03P 09
Three fellow students who had spoken
with me and another prover yesterday reported having had vivid dreams last night
"which didn't seem like their own dreams".
03P 12
Two dreams about fat people: A fat
old lady and a fat little girl, who is my daughter, in the church after a service.
The fat old lady has something to give to the little girl but she's too short
and I think the old lady can't bend down. I feel responsible or the success
of this encounter, but the little girl is too heavy for me to lift up. While
I go to fetch a chair the old lady gets down to the little girl's level. Second
dream: Seeing friends' new house. It's at the top of the hill, and both friends
are obese so it takes a long time to walk up the hill. The main reception room
has squared bay windows of small squares of beveled glass and they are very
proud of this room.
03P 20
Flatmate comes back from holiday
early. I come in to find lots of friends, all drunk and having a party in the
flat - this includes my bedroom. I get very annoyed because they are drinking
my wine. I tell my flatmate he has to replace it. I put music on in my room
and start to tidy up. A girl rolling a joint tells me to turn it down. I tell
her to piss off. I feel angry that others have intruded on my space. I feel
insulted that they have taken possession of my property.
04P 02
I am in an abattoir. Everything is
cold and white and meat is hanging down on hooks. The shutters come down like
an electric door and I get locked inside. I feel trapped and enclosed but not
scared.
04P 06
At airport meeting sister. Give her
a birthday present I've just made her - a necklace. Whole family is going to
meet my second cousin straight afterwards for some occasion. We take gifts.
My sister gives away her necklace I have just given her. Feelings: sadness -
my sister doesn't want my gift; anger and resentment directed towards my cousin
- why does she have to spoil things. I feel like this but don't express it.
04P 08
In the office where I work. There
is a bed in my office. My boyfriend and I have spent the night there. I go into
the office next door to log on to the computer. My boss, comes in with his children.
I try to make a cup of tea for my boyfriend but all the mugs have been moved.
Find them in another room. I feel pressured because I want to make my boyfriend
feel comfortable and get him some tea but everything is so difficult. Also feel
pressured because I feel I should be getting on and doing some work but nobody
seems to mind much what is going on. They are all very relaxed and in Christmas
spirit, including my boss. I feel as though I have a mountain of things to do
and everyone else is floating around not caring.
04P 14
My boyfriend is having an affair
with another girl. They used to fancy each other but she was married and now
she is getting a divorce. This girl is someone a girlfriend of mine knows. My
friend drops hints till I get the picture. My boyfriend has even met her parents
recently. Feel distraught and betrayed when the penny drops. Resolve to be independent
and get on with life. Dream ends before I speak to my boyfriend about things.
04P 14
I rescue small child - girl aged
5/6 from her mother. She has not been abused but is lacking in love and support.
I give her a hug and take her to a café‚ for something to eat. She
is very appreciative.
04P 19
Dream that a baby is talking to me.
04P 20
Dreams fairly incoherent, but filled
with restlessness and this physical tension.
05P 02
Dream: There was an enormous sheet
of paper spread out against the universe neatly divided into little squares,
like a sheet of labels, and in each of these squares was a question, though
some may have had jokes in them. I zoomed in on one of these little squares
and the question was "Why is the music so dirge-like?"
05P 03
Woke from 3 or 4 dreams really frightened.
Don't remember the story of them but each ended with me in real, physical danger.
05P 05
Dream last night that I was building
a large wooden boat so that I could sail to America. Pilgrim Fathers, Promised
Land sort of stuff.
05P 06
Dreams of doing my job.
05P 09
I woke up again. I had been having
a Dream about an ex-boyfriend. I was outside the house of my present boyfriend,
thinking it was the house of my ex-boyfriend and I was getting into a car which
I thought was his as I recognized the beads strung over the mirror. (I have
not seen him for a while and I knew this in my dream). I thought 'At least I'll
know now what his car looks like'. I left a birthday note for him (his birthday
isn't until May. We have been out of contact for a year and a half, and I find
that difficult). The ex-boyfriend arrived in a car with 3 girls. Lots more people
came and there was a party. I stayed but I was worried that I was not dressed
properly and that I had not been invited and that it might all upset me, being
there and seeing him with other women. His 'father' (not his real father) talked
and was nice to me. Then there were lots of convoluted movings around in cars
through difficult one way systems and to different social groups. I felt as
though I was out of place and lost.
06P 03
I was on a boat at sea, felt very
confusing. Cannot remember the detail.
07P 02
Dream of being by the sea and the
waves were bigger than I had ever seen. It was exciting but scary too because
you didn't know how close to get.
07P 06
I had a night of disturbing dreams
About wars and horrible things. Felt it was all out of control and very frightening.
I felt as though I was trying to protect someone.
07P 09
Sensorium Inner head Outer head Sight and eyes Hearing and ears Smell and nose Face Mouth, taste and tongue Throat Appetite, thirst and desires Belching and nausea Stomach and hypochondria Abdomen Rectum and stool Urine Female sexual organs , Respiration Cough Inner chest and lungs Heart, pulse and circulation Outer chest Neck and back Upper limbs Lower limbs Limbs in general Sleep Temperature and weather Fever Perspiration Skin Sensations Attacks & Periodicity
uite 'groggy' today - but did have
a boozy, late night. Desire to clear my head and walk in the woods.
01P 06 XX.XX NS
I try walking upstairs; I feel dizzy
and have sensation of falling backwards.
01P 07 XX.XX NS
General loss of co-ordination. Feel
as though I am fumbling around drunk. Dizzy.
04P 01 21.30 NS
Body uncoordinated. No sense of balance.
I feel as if I have been drugged by something and my brain is not working hard
enough.
04P 02 XX.XX NS
Feel faint and slightly dizzy at
12.00 noon. Same spaced out feeling as at beginning of proving but it passes
fairly quickly.
04P 18 12.00 NS
My skin is dry and lips flaking;
I feel dehydrated. My brain feels dry and squeezed like a walnut!
01P 17 XX.XX NS
My head feels squeezed and tight.
01P 18 XX.XX NS
Headache across temples, dull ache.
02P 02 09.00 NS
Headache, aching, dull, constrictive.
Wanted to push forehead into pillow. Forced myself to go out. much better in
the open air/walking.
02P 05 09.00 NS
Headache in the afternoon disappeared
on walking.
02P 06 14.00 NS
Headache all day, across temples,
better in open air.
02P 11 XX.XX NS
Headache, on and off, dull heavy
ache across temples, around occiput.
02P 15 XX.XX NS
No headache with period! Normally
I have a right-sided headache which lasts about three days, starting and worse
on the first day of menstruation.
03P 07 XX.XX CS
Headache in the morning went away
when I ate.
03P 11 XX.XX NS
Severe headache 11 a.m. - 3 p.m.
whilst visiting someone I feel very attracted to. Normal sensations except not
with my period, and very severe. I took aspirin, but it didn't help. The pain
went as I was driving back home.
03P 14 11.00 NS
Headache left side, sensation of
pressure (normal headache, just not with period and left-sided instead of right-sided).
03P 20 XX.XX AS
Headache left side, pressure, worse
for exercise, better for lying on affected side. Had a headache last Monday,
too. Normally I just get a headache with my period, once a month.
03P 21 XX.XX NS
Friend phoned and asked if I had
a headache, as I've had headaches two Mondays running. No, I didn't, but after
half a glass of wine I did (left side but not as bad as last week). It went
when I stopped drinking wine.
03P 28 XX.XX NS
Evening. Right sided headache as
usual with menses. (Didn't have this usual headache last month, but had plenty
of headaches at other times.) Took aspirin.
03P 33 XX.XX OS
Head: dizzy and congested in occiput.
Spaced out.
04P 01 21.30 NS
Slight headache at back of head.
Congested.
04P 01 XX.XX NS
When move head from one side to another
brain feels as though it is wobbling about inside.
04P 02 08.30 NS
Congestion at back of head. Started
2 weeks prior to proving.
04P 02 XX.XX NS
Head a little congested. Dull ache
at back of head on waking until 11.00 a.m.
04P 05 XX.XX NS
Headache in evening at 10.00 p.m.
at back of head and behind eyes. Dull ache.
04P 17 22.00 NS
Wake with occipital headache and
congested head. Poor night's sleep but energy better today.
04P 17 XX.XX NS
Eyes very sore and tired. Headache
especially behind eyes. Better in bed in afternoon.
04P 28 XX.XX NS
Sensation of both temples being pulled
inwards, perhaps as if by a string between them.
05P 01 20.30 NS
Tension headache in the back of the
neck going into the base of the spine.
05P 05 09.00 NS
Bad headache coming on. Had to take
some aspirin. Hadn't taken any aspirin during proving, very unusual.
05P 10 22.00 NS
My sinuses were still as bad as they
were before I took the remedy. I have almost a constant headache now. It goes
along one eyebrow and above that. the eyebrow is very sensitive and sore and
it stays on one side for a number of days and then moves to the other and then
back.
06P 06 XX.XX IOS
I still had blocked sinuses and a
sinus headache which sapped my energy.
06P 13 XX.XX NS
Headache at 10 a.m., over forehead
and eyes, heavy feeling. It lasted all day.
07P 14 10.00 NS
Itching scalp.
04P 05 XX.XX NS
Itchy scalp on waking.
04P 06 XX.XX NS
Stiffness and sharp pain in the top
of the neck extending to where neck enters the skull. With a generalized headache.
A dull ache.
05P 02 12.00 NS
I opened my eyes from the meditation
and the wall opposite appeared to have a green hue.
01P 01 20.00 NS
Woke with dull pain over left eye.
01P 12 XX.XX OS
Woke feeling tired. Eyes red and
itchy.
02P 15 XX.XX NS
Eyelids red and sensitive. Mildly
Itchy.
02P 24 XX.XX NS
Eyelids red and itchy, skin thickened
and raised.
02P 32 XX.XX NS
Right eye slightly bloodshot. I feel
like rubbing my eyes.
03P 31 XX.XX NS
I noticed you could see through half
a lemon if you hold it up to the sun.
03P 32 XX.XX NS
Right eye is twitching. Started 2
weeks before proving.
04P 02 XX.XX NS
Eyes sore and dry in evening.
04P 05 XX.XX NS
Eyes sore on waking. Very tired and
red on lower inside rim. Can't wear contact lenses.
04P 06 XX.XX NS
Good night's sleep but eyes tired.
Eyelids dry and heavy.
04P 07 XX.XX NS
Right eye twitching intermittently
throughout the day.
04P 13 XX.XX NS
Eyes tired and dry in morning. Right
eye twitching again.
04P 18 XX.XX NS
Pains behind my eyes which last throughout
the day. Intense aching - very irritating. Eyes sore and dry. Eyes hurt when
opening and closing.
04P 48 XX.XX NS
Right eye has been sore and twitching
throughout the proving. An old symptom that came from taking a remedy but it
has been much worse. Is worse when I am tired and when I wake up.
05P 00 XX.XX IOS
Eyes felt sore and stingy and a little
bit bloodshot.
07P 04 XX.XX NS
Pain in left ear extending into jaw,
(would normally be the other way: jaw or teeth into ear).
05P 08 XX.XX NS
I had a shooting pain in my right
ear at 11.15 p.m.
06P 01 23.15 NS
Slight earache in left ear.
06P 02 21.30 NS
Slight nose bleed 11 a.m.
01P 16 XX.XX NS
Nose is alternately stuffed and then
runny. People keep asking me if I have a cold, which irritates me.
01P 17 XX.XX NS
Great big white head at bottom of
nose, in the middle.
02P 06 XX.XX NS
Nose and sinus feeling heavy and
blocked.
02P 08 XX.XX NS
Nose runny - liquid and clear.
02P 12 XX.XX NS
Left sinus blocked and sore.
02P 19 XX.XX NS
Sinuses running - clear watery fluid.
02P 21 XX.XX NS
Sneezing a lot.
02P 30 XX.XX NS
Mucus membranes of nose almost painfully
dry, worse going outside on a cold day.
03P 01 XX.XX OS
Nose blocked on waking better by
10.00 a.m.
04P 05 XX.XX NS
Nose blocked at night.
04P 37 XX.XX NS
Tingling sensation in nostrils. Feel
sneeze coming on but never happens.
04P 39 XX.XX NS
Runny nose right nostril only, clear
and watery.
05P 02 18.00 NS
Few sneezes and snuffles this morning but can sometimes have the odd sneeze. 07P 03 XX.XX RS
Sneezing and runny nose on waking.
clear mucus.
07P 08 XX.XX NS
There's a cold sore at the edge of
my mouth, left side.
03P 20 XX.XX OS
Itching on left upper lip.
04P 38 XX.XX RS
Tension around my mouth. My lips
are pursed.
05P 01 20.30 NS
Weird tingling in lips. Slight numbness
and metallic pins sensation.
05P 04 11.30 NS
Strong tingling in and around lips.
Still pursing lips when tense, no clenching of jaws, which is where physical
tension would normally show.
05P 08 XX.XX NS
My face and head is hot.
01P 13 XX.XX NS
Skin dry, cracked and scaling - especially
lips and face generally. Nose is runny.
01P 14 XX.XX NS
Skin still dry and my lips cracked
and bleeding.
01P 16 XX.XX NS
Two blackish spots on lips look as
though bruised, one on either side of lower lip left side raised as if it might
crack. A bit sore.
02P 22 XX.XX NS
Drawing pain just under left cheekbone
as if a string is attached and someone is pulling it.
04P 03 XX.XX NS
Infection in upper right molar (old
symptom) flared up again - very tender to any pressure.
01P 10 XX.XX OS
Teeth on edge when eating oranges
sensation like having aluminium foil on fillings, shock-like.
02P 11 XX.XX NS
Teeth on edge when eating chocolate;
down near the gums, piercing, shock-like sensation.
02P 14 XX.XX NS
Lips still feel weird. Metallic taste
in mouth especially when eating.
05P 09 XX.XX NS
Bit right cheek (not aware of doing
it) skin broken, sore.
02P 07 XX.XX NS
On waking 5.30 a.m. tongue and mouth
very dry, tongue stuck to roof of mouth.
07P 02 05.30 NS
Sore roof of mouth, like I have burnt
it and a piece of skin has come off.
07P 07 XX.XX OS
Roof of mouth is still incredibly
sore.
07P 08 XX.XX OS
Glands are up in my neck.
01P 18 XX.XX NS
Sinuses blocked. Catarrh sitting
at back of throat.
02P 13 XX.XX NS
Throat feels tight and constricted
- sore.
02P 18 XX.XX NS
Sore throat, aching, right side,
white stripe at back of throat. It's worse from speaking.
03P 08 XX.XX NS
Throat feels constricted as a result
of my emotions.
04P 09 XX.XX NS
I have noticed recently that I can't
bear to wear anything woollen around my neck.
04P 17 XX.XX NS
Wake with sore tired eyes and sore
throat. Catarrh in throat.
04P 37 XX.XX NS
Catarrh trapped in throat.
04P 40 XX.XX NS
Husband wanting Sunday lunch. I felt
a strong aversion to eating meat.
01P 06 XX.XX NS
Only want sips of cold water.
01P 07 XX.XX NS
My chocolate consumption has shot
up to levels only usually craved when I am pre-menstrual.
01P 17 XX.XX AS
Two beers in the evening - felt very
tired almost immediately after drinking.
02P 05 XX.XX NS
Party Saturday night. Cheap champagne
went straight to my head.
02P 40 XX.XX NS
Not so hungry today at work.
03P 03 XX.XX RS
I feel a desire for butter. Even
licked margarine off the knife.
03P 05 XX.XX NS
Couldn't start work on an essay this
morning till I'd had some breakfast.
03P 07 XX.XX NS
Had a cigarette in the pub (having
dreamed last week I was smoking). I probably haven't smoked at all for 10 years
and more or less totally gave up 17 years ago.
03P 11 XX.XX OS
Desire for orange juice, which ameliorates
the headache slightly.
03P 21 XX.XX NS
Fancied a lemony drink - had hot
lemon and honey with nutmeg.
03P 33 XX.XX NS
Increased appetite.
04P 06 XX.XX NS
Dreadful hangover. Much worse for
drinking wine previous evening. I have noticed throughout the proving that I
am much more affected by alcohol. Now I am worse for even one glass of wine.
04P 28 XX.XX NS
Extremely thirsty. Drinking water
and tea all day.
04P 38 XX.XX NS
Very thirsty.
05P 03 11.30 NS
Have been eating a lot of carbohydrates:
toast and biscuits. Feel fat.
05P 11 XX.XX IOS
Smoking a lot this weekend.
05P 11 XX.XX NS
Tremendous thirst for cold water
in the evening, mouth felt so dry.
07P 04 XX.XX NS
No real symptoms today, have had
very little appetite but lots of energy.
07P 06 XX.XX NS
Had hiccups and indigestion after
eating today.
07P 03 XX.XX RS
Woke feeling very nauseous. Spent
day in bed. Diarrhoea and violent watery vomit - all day and evening.
01P 07 XX.XX NS
Feeling weak and depleted today.
Still feel nauseous and stools very loose. No appetite.
01P 08 XX.XX NS
Woke feeling 'groggy' and a bit nauseous.
01P 10 XX.XX NS
By end of evening my stomach hurts
and is bloated, shooting pains; shooting upwards from pelvis to stomach better
for warmth, lying in a hot bath.
01P 10 XX.XX OS
Strange, short, sharp shooting pains
in my stomach worse for eating.
01P 12 XX.XX NS
Feeling slightly nauseous at meal
times. Stomach is hungry but don't fancy eating anything.
04P 29 XX.XX NS
Slightly nauseous at thought of food
but hungry in evening. Nausea better for eating.
04P 30 XX.XX NS
Occasional nausea. Distended abdomen
and flatulence. Pain in lower region of left abdomen worse for moving, worse
for touch, better for keeping still, worse for eating.
04P 31 XX.XX NS
Nausea. lasted an hour or so.
06P 02 13.00 NS
Stomach feeling a bit more settled
but still a lot of rumbling. It feels better for eating a cooked meal.
07P 03 XX.XX RS
Went to a party and ate some rich
food, salmon, cream, etc. and stomach felt very upset all night. Felt I might
be sick and burning sensations.
07P 05 XX.XX NS
Tummy is still a bit unsettled this
morning.
07P 06 XX.XX NS
Piercing pain in left abdomen just
above hip, on and off throughout day.
02P 14 XX.XX NS
Sharp pains in left illiac region.
05P 05 09.00 NS
Bowels unpredictable! Diarrhoea worse
in the morning feel like I have something in my gut that my body is trying to
rid itself of.
01P 10 XX.XX NS
Churning stomach - loose stools.
01P 13 XX.XX NS
Feeling constipated.
02P 02 10.00 NS
Dense stool, it sank in the toilet.
03P 02 XX.XX NS
Stool still dense (sinks). Very loose.
03P 07 XX.XX NS
Same pressing pain in abdomen. Stools
loose and diarrhoea in morning.
04P 32 XX.XX NS
Sudden urging to stool. Stools completely
unformed, not unusual.
05P 03 09.00 RS
Urging to liquid stool in the morning
the last few days.
05P 08 07.30 NS
Woke cramps in the abdomen had to
got toilet immediately with diarrhoea.
05P 11 07.00 NS
Stomach gurgling and rattling constantly.
Stool very loose.
07P 02 XX.XX RS
I am having a lot more bowel movements
than usual. The stool is okay, just feels like I am getting rid of a lot.
07P 05 XX.XX NS
Slept well - didn't get up at all
to go to the loo (unusual).
02P 10 XX.XX CS
Weeing less, would normally have
to leave lectures to go to loo. Got through all lectures no problems. Not sure
whether drinking less.
02P 12 XX.XX NS
Need the loo in the middle of the
night.
04P 02 XX.XX OS
Get up in night to go to the loo.
Urging sensation just after urination & frequent urination.
04P 22 XX.XX NS
In the car kidney started to hurt
again. Has now moved over to the right as well.
05P 01 22.00 RS
Urine a little bit bright, lime green
this morning.
05P 03 09.00 NS
Sharp stitching pain in vaginal area.
Common just before my period but out of place now as my period ended a week
ago.
01P 12 XX.XX OS
My period started and just as the
proving had started at the beginning of the last cycle, I feel that the physical
skin and digestive symptoms and the dark emotional symptoms have diminished
at the end of the cycle.
01P 29 XX.XX NS
Intercourse at night; seemed dryer
than usual.
03P 13 XX.XX NS
Realized that the soreness at the
lips of my vagina was not just wear and tear through being dry - my partner
has been very sore too. Hypercal would usually sort it out in 12 hours for him
but it hasn't. He is sometimes sore after intercourse, and this was redder,
sorer and drier than usual. My discharge is white, creamy texture, much drier
than usual, slight yeasty smell.
03P 15 XX.XX NS
It is thrush. Dry prickly sensation
localized to the lips of my vagina, discharge white, bland, like cottage cheese.
I had thrush about six months ago after a remedy, prior to that the last time
was when I was pregnant at least 7 years ago. Last time it was not so localized
and the itching had the effect of arousing me. Now I feel like I don't want
sex at all.
03P 16 XX.XX AS
Thrush is getting better slowly.
Physically, it feels as if I've had intercourse last night (I didn't) but didn't
want to, as if I'd been coerced (but not as violently as rape, more that I didn't
feel like it but did anyway and now realize I really didn't want to and wish
I'd said no). This is quite a turnaround - normally I want sex more than my
partner but now I don't want it at all.
03P 17 XX.XX NS
Partner suggested we try making love
(we both had thrush last week and I hadn't felt like initiating anything, and
usually the initiative comes from me). It was fine and we don't seem to have
thrush any more. Slight burning pain immediately afterwards, though.
03P 22 XX.XX NS
Period started 6.20 am. 28½
days (the last time it was over 27 days was 5 months ago).
03P 33 XX.XX AS
Haven't noticed lower back ache this
month. Flow more clotted than usual.
03P 33 XX.XX AS
Menstrual flow heavier than usual
on day 1, lighter than usual on day 2.
03P 34 XX.XX AS
Heavy white bland milky discharge
from vagina.
04P 04 XX.XX IRS
Pressing pain at base of uterus like
a dull ache.
04P 04 XX.XX NS
Period due. Spotting at night.
04P 13 XX.XX NS
Start period. Breasts swollen and
tender. Period very heavy. Dragging down pains through night. Can't relax and
enjoy myself.
04P 16 XX.XX NS
Period starts at 10.30 a.m. It is
six days late. I feel relieved. Headache and energy levels better after period
starts. Dragging down pains in uterus at 12.30 p.m. Aching. I have never had
this with my period before. Take panadol. Feel much better in afternoon and
evening. I feel a lot calmer; a lot like my old self. Intermittent pains in
uterus come on suddenly and then disappear - cramping and gripping pains.
04P 19 XX.XX NS
Occasional gripping pain in uterus
but not as intense as previous day.
04P 20 XX.XX NS
Vaginal discharge, jelly like and
greenish - lots of it.
06P 02 XX.XX OS
Thrush-like vaginal discharge. Quite
thick, white, smelt vinegary. Slight itching vaginally. I used to get thrush
quite a lot in the past.
06P 08 XX.XX OS
My period was a lot lighter than
usual. There was cramping but this was controllable with raspberry leaf alone.
This continued all day much lighter than usual. I would usually use 5 or 6 super
tampons on the first day of my period and I used 3. I had no headache and my
energy felt better, I felt more lively.
06P 18 XX.XX CS
I woke feeling tired and depressed,
ratty like I get just before my period. I had missed out on that when I usually
feel it in the 3 or 4 days before a period starts. There was hardly any period
left, the flow was very light.
06P 19 XX.XX AS
Woke up with intensely itch bottom
and around vagina. I lad this symptom for a long time after son was born &
hormones were in a mess.
07P 12 XX.XX OS
Last evening my period started. Felt
better this morning. Just tired and washed out.
07P 16 XX.XX NS
Breathless on moving around. Breathing
laboured.
04P 38 XX.XX NS
I woke up half dead again even though
I think that I slept all night. It was very difficult to get up and get going.
I was not breathing very well. I could not get enough air and felt like I was
suffocating slightly.
06P 07 XX.XX IOS
I could not sleep last night and
could not get enough breath in. When I breathed in it felt as if my ribs would
break. There was discomfort on the right hand side of my ribs at the back. This
is much more extreme than usual. It was still difficult to breath in the morning.
06P 16 XX.XX AS
A sudden strong tickling in my throat,
making me cough, which didn't relieve the tickle. It got better when I drank
some cold water.
03P 11 XX.XX NS
Yesterday and today had small fits
of coughing from deep in the lungs (i.e. what is usually the final stage of
a chest infection).
05P 10 XX.XX AS
I got stabbing pains again in my
left and right side of chest - lungs/ribs - old symptom hanging over from pleurodynia
in 1991, recurs form time to time. This happened markedly more during the proving
time.
06P 07 XX.XX IOS
I had stabbing pains in my ribs and
lungs again, 'catching' when I breathed.
06P 08 XX.XX NS
On going to bed that night my heart
thudded for a few minutes when I lay down - I had the sensation that my heart
had stopped and then would 'kick' start again.
01P 01 XX.XX NS
Heart palpitations.
04P 01 20.30 NS
Rash on chest has come up in spots
- very itchy. Heads coming off easily leaving little spots of blood.
02P 02 XX.XX NS
Pimple/boil appeared in left armpit.
02P 02 XX.XX NS
Rash under arms worsening throughout
the day. By 9 p.m. quite red and very itchy. It was generally worse for a bath,
worse for perspiration, worse for tight clothing.
02P 02 XX.XX RS
Big whitehead appeared in left armpit,
hard.
02P 11 XX.XX NS
Middle of the day armpits started
itching.
02P 13 XX.XX NS
The thrush is in my nipples now especially
on the right. It feels like sore nipples from breastfeeding (at the beginning).
There's a sensation of subdued tingling and fullness in my breasts.
03P 18 XX.XX NS
Nipples feel as if painfully erect
even if they're not.
03P 19 XX.XX NS
Feel bruised in front lower rib area.
03P 19 XX.XX NS
Breasts enlarged and heavy.
04P 00 XX.XX NS
Breasts tender on touch.
04P 05 XX.XX NS
Slight ache in lower back (premenstrual
- not usually until my period starts).
03P 03 XX.XX NS
Period started. Lower back pain sharper
than usual, and it's better from sitting down.
03P 04 XX.XX AS
Muscles on back of neck very tense.
04P 02 08.30 NS
Pain on top of left shoulder. Extends
up into neck. Just left side.
05P 01 20.30 NS
Back still a little sore worse when
bent (in bath or half lying in a chair). Can't "catch my breath" coming
from where I was punched. All through my childhood anyone who wanted to could
hit me when they liked and I am not going to take it now. Rather than sulking
as I might normally, I am just having nothing to do with it or her.
05P 08 XX.XX NS
Woke with an ache in the lower back.
This place in my back is the point that always came up as blocked when doing
Qi Kung.
05P 09 07.00 NS
Back has been troubling me in all
sorts of ways. Stiffness, aches and pains from the base of the spine down to
the coccyx. Expression of tension and blockage.
05P 10 XX.XX NS
The muscles in my neck and upper
back were much more tense than usual. It was as if they were all knotted up.
The muscles felt like they had put themselves into one solid mass. They had
never been that bad before.
06P 00 XX.XX NS
Very tired after work. Shoulder muscles
aching.
04P 22 XX.XX OS
Throbbing pain in left wrist to thumb.
(I hour later in right as well.)
05P 01 20.30 NS
Left arm, especially elbow stiff.
05P 01 22.00 NS
Pain in the last section of each
finger. A little tingly, a little numb but also painful.
05P 01 23.00 NS
Stiffness and aching pain in joints
especially the elbows and wrists.
05P 02 12.00 NS
I notice that at rest my fingers
are claw-like and painful.
05P 03 23.00 NS
Pain in left shoulder.
05P 09 22.00 OS
Skin on inside of right arm from
armpit down to elbow went sore and very tender to the touch. It felt as if it
was bruised, even though it was not.
06P 02 XX.XX NS
Finger joints feel itchy particularly
middle finger, right hand.
07P 10 XX.XX NS
Walking down steps left knee suddenly
weak and painful - shooting pains all around kneecap. Knee felt stiff - not
working properly. Fine on reaching the level ground.
02P 01 22.00 NS
Tinea between toes - red, itchy.
02P 15 XX.XX NS
Terribly itchy feet, driving me mad
want to rip the skin off. Scratching made it better for a minute or two but
then it'd be worse because the skin is so raw.
02P 30 XX.XX NS
Feet continue to be periodically
itchy, particularly on the tops of toes much worse at night.
02P 34 XX.XX NS
Aching in bones, especially feet.
04P 13 XX.XX NS
Leg muscles feel stiff on walking
to work.
04P 22 XX.XX NS
Little sharp pains in the tip of
right centre toe, the furthermost point of my body.
05P 01 20.30 NS
Sudden sharp pain from right groin
down the middle of the right thigh.
05P 09 10.00 NS
Pain in right knee, sore and aching
with a sensation of warmth.
05P 09 22.00 NS
Sensation as of athlete's foot between
toes of right foot with itching.
05P 09 XX.XX NS
Left knee sore today, with a sensation
of heat.
05P 10 XX.XX NS
Pain down the nerve of my left leg
(sciatica?) when I go to bed.
05P 12 XX.XX NS
I had itching under my left foot
between 11 and 12 p.m.
06P 01 23.00 OS
I had a bad stabbing pain in the
ankle/heel area of my left foot and later in the ankle/heel area of my right
foot.
06P 08 XX.XX NS
Sat down and felt very tired. My
feet were restless, kept having to flex my feet and move them around.
07P 03 21.00 NS
Muscles of limbs feel heavy and bruised.
04P 35 XX.XX NS
My arms and legs were sore like they
get when you get flu. They felt heavy.
06P 08 XX.XX NS
Slept very deeply.
01P 01 XX.XX NS
Woke with a 'thick' head and a dull
headache (forehead), like a hangover. Feeling tired an effort to get out of
bed, which is unusual.
01P 03 XX.XX NS
Had sleep during the day and woke
up completely disoriented.
02P 03 XX.XX NS
Restless night - continually waking
with mind racing.
02P 12 XX.XX OS
Tired. My legs are tired and I'm
yawning a lot in the evening.
03P 08 XX.XX NS
Overslept - forgot to reset the alarm
after the weekend. Rushed.
03P 21 XX.XX NS
Feel weak, no stamina, out of breath
easily. Felt sleepy in the afternoon. Felt very cold, wore two extra jumpers.
Went to my cousin's house, got very tired helping tidy up. Tired, bed at 10.00
p.m. (usually after midnight).
03P 21 XX.XX NS
Good night's sleep. Feel great in
morning. Alert. Best I've felt for 2-3 weeks.
04P 03 XX.XX NS
Very poor sleep. Restless in night.
04P 39 XX.XX NS
Restless in early morning. Tired
but can't get back to sleep.
04P 40 XX.XX NS
Did not sleep well my back although
not actually painful, feels sore and wrong. Still having real difficulty breathing
and it is coming from my back.
05P 07 XX.XX NS
I kept waking up scared in the night
not long after I had gone to sleep even though I was very tired. I mostly was
waking thinking I had heard a noise and with a fast beating heart and agitated.
I only once was aware that I was waking from a bad dream, but I could not remember
anything about it the next morning. Often it has been very difficult to go back
to sleep again.
06P 00 XX.XX NS
I could not go to sleep. I had thoughts
rushing round my head even though I was very tired. I got worried about things
which I could not let go.
06P 02 24.00 NS
I woke up in the night - alert. I
went back to sleep after a while.
06P 02 XX.XX NS
I could not get out of bed. I had
been sleeping as though drugged and felt very tired and sluggish.
06P 03 XX.XX NS
I woke very tired. I slept through
the alarm. I didn't sleep again last night. Not worrying - I just couldn't sleep.
I felt very dizzy. My head felt 'spaced out'.
06P 04 XX.XX NS
I was woken at 7.30 by the postman.
I was very weary but I could not go back to sleep.
06P 05 XX.XX NS
I went to bed and was too tired to
sleep. I felt strung out and nervy. I kept waking up, half conscious. I felt
feverish. I got very anxious about feeling so deadly tired and about not sleeping
properly. I got anxious about not being able to work properly tomorrow.
06P 08 XX.XX NS
I had heart palpitations and alternately
felt hot then cold. The coldness stayed with me for about 2 hours.
01P 01 20.00 NS
Very hot head and cold feet.
01P 07 XX.XX NS
Less tolerant to heat. It aggravates
my dehydrated state; Usually chilly but not so conscious of feeling the cold.
01P 18 XX.XX NS
Sensation of heat ascending from
neck over back of head.
02P 01 21.00 NS
Felt very cold in bed (the weather
was colder) - had to get an extra cover. I'm not usually that cold.
03P 19 XX.XX NS
Feel warm and cosy. Temperature fairly
warm Warm in the night and on waking.
04P 01 22.30 NS
Generally warmer than usual.
04P 05 XX.XX NS
Hot flushes especially in the night.
Very chilly one moment then hot all over, especially face better for fresh air.
04P 12 XX.XX NS
Hot flush at 11.00 p.m. Lasts about
15 minutes. I just had to take all my clothes off.
04P 17 23.00 NS
Extremities chilly but head and face
very warm, slightly flushed.
04P 35 XX.XX NS
Feeling very cold in myself but externally
hot especially face and head.
05P 02 23.30 NS
I feel very cold this evening.
07P 02 XX.XX NS
Feverish and delirious - going in
and out of consciousness/sleep. Worse for noise, exertion and light.
01P 07 XX.XX NS
Feel hot and sweaty, sweat smells
pungent, urine strong and dark.
01P 08 XX.XX NS
Underarm odour - smellier.
02P 02 XX.XX NS
Perspiration increased over last
two weeks. Under arms smells horrible; of garlic.
04P 22 XX.XX NS
Perspiration foul again especially
under right arm.
04P 36 XX.XX NS
Today my skin is very dry and I generally
feel dehydrated - like I have been drinking (and I have not had any alcohol
for a week due to my fragile state and dodgy stomach!).
01P 12 XX.XX NS
Woke feeling very groggy - like I
have been drinking. Skin is reptiliously dry - especially my face, arms and
legs. My lips look seared and are cracked and splitting.
01P 15 XX.XX NS
Generally itchy all over.
02P 02 XX.XX NS
Itching all over back and on arms
as though my skin was very sensitive and allergic worse for scratching better
for heat.
04P 04 XX.XX NS
Spot developing above left eyebrow.
04P 08 XX.XX NS
I had generalized skin itching.
06P 01 XX.XX NS
I had a mole on the left side of
my neck for many years, probably about ten years. It started to get a lot bigger
and more prominent last year. It was raised and kept catching on things. Eventually
in January I went to the doctor because someone said they though it might be
a melanoma. The doctor said she thought it was okay but I could have it removed
if I wanted to. I decided not to. During the next few weeks it got worse and
black dots started coming, so I though I should have it removed. Then I realized
the black dots were falling off and then more were coming, but it was getting
smaller. Within three weeks the whole thing had disappeared. Now there is not
a mark there at all.
07P 00 XX.XX CS
Energy better in the afternoon.
01P 10 XX.XX NS
Many new symptoms started in the
two weeks before actually taking the remedy. These remained and intensified
throughout the proving.
04P 00 XX.XX NS
Symptoms were generally worse on
waking and in the evening and better in the middle of the day.
04P 00 XX.XX NS
Feel like I have a cold coming -
my nose is running and my skin is very dry and flaky - I feel dehydrated - very
dry and dehydrated.
01P 13 XX.XX NS
Feeling pressed down by a great force.
04P 01 20.30 NS
Differential Diagnosis - preliminary suggestions
Other tree remedies with a feeling of dividing:
Thuja
Anacardium
Chocolate
Indignation and snapping:
Staphysagria
Sepia
Anacardium
